Winter stagnating

She thinks to herself,

As she looks through the window.

Raindrops, forming on the pane

Whilst she tries to remember

What it was like when he was here.

But everything is being washed away

By the rain, as it clears the moments 

That once were. 

Her reflection becomes more defined

As the droplets descend and she realizes

That new memories, happier memories, can be formed.

_____________________________________________________________________

Photo by Carmen Michele  my beautiful Artist friend.

You look at me now,

You probably think,

A leaf,

Alone,

So lonely.

You look at me now,

And you probably think,

I have no power

To Survive the Next Storm.

You look at me now,

And you must feel,

Mercy,

Or

Sadness.

You look at me now,

And ….

You probably,

See yourself

You look at him

Sleeping now,

From a distance you can hear him snoring.

You thought you could escape

To another room

But no, you are enjoying looking at him.

You are not sure how you feel

As you look at his form under the covers,

His hair, the only part of him you can see.

With your sharp eye 

You try to look, both at him 

And into your own heart

To understand

What he is doing in your life.

_______________________________________________________

- Dedicated to her. 

(In the pic A Drawing of mine.)

Through the window I could see

My past,

Whizzing through like an express train

Not stopping at any station,

As if I was not really there

As if it was someone else’s’.

How they all disconnected,

The feelings I had then

Just disappearing.

The train passed

And I could see myself on it

Each carriage a scene that was

But with the emotions

Disconnected,

Which cannot be reconnected again.

The train stopped

And now I'm on a new train

And I feel,

Again.

____________________________________________

Photo taking by my good friend Nick - Thank you.

Suddenly I realize,

He sees my weaknesses

He sees my sadness

He sees the passion within.

It took me years to build the walls around myself,

Like a soldier wearing strong armour

No one can penetrate.

Suddenly I realize,

With one look he has smashed the walls

And broken in to my heart.

Suddenly I realize,

It's not scary at all

Being naked

In mid-battle.

I read a great story today

About love,

And how it makes people happy,

And how it is exciting,

And overwhelming.

I read a great story today

About separation,

How much it is sad,

How much it hurts,

How it is ugly.

I read a great story today

About pain.

How it teaches us,

How it is surprising,

How it pokes.

I read a great story today

About life,

And I…

I decided to say goodbye to guilt,

I decided to give a place to pain

And decided to continue to love.

There is an understanding I have,

And that is, I'm happy.

The last few days,

And  the stressful situation in Israel, have made me eat more.

The pressure makes me go back to old habits.

So how do i deal with it?

How do I feel?

I feel like a vacuum cleaner.

Taking all the food on the way.

I lose all direction; food being my big comfort these days.

I eat without thought.

Without any navigation.

Okay, okay let's calm down.

A deep breath…

Yes, I'm the queen of dramas.

Yes I'm a purist.

But I learned to live this way.

This I write to you now, just tells me everything is OK.

Not every day has to be perfect.

And not every day should end exactly at 1,200 calories, as I desire.

But most importantly, I now compose myself and have regained my focus.

Why?

Because I chose not to be a fat person anymore.

Why?

Because I am finally feeling great.

So yes it's worth it.

Peace & Love

Missy

I never liked war movies,

Always ran away from them.

I love my life optimistic

With a little drama,

But I did not believe

I will be part of a war

An endless war.

To wake up to the alarm scream,

Such a scary sound 

That moves the soul around.

We have 40 seconds to run to shelter

40-seconds which feel like a battle for my life,

And I, I want to stay alive.

After all the boom sounds, I know I have survived, for now.

But what about the next time? And the next time after that?

These days there are no nights and days

And any worries I had before forgotten,

And requests to God I had once wished, return to me.

I have but one wish left, please let all of this end.

Now it is a quiet again, but it may be the still before the bigger storm.

The snow is here,

And you're so far away.

White reminds me of the color of your body.

I look out of the window,

No one left the house today,

Reminds me of you and I, stayed home to make love all day.

Outside the wind whispers to me

As if you whisper words of love, now, to my ears.

Playing the music of your voice.

The snow is here

And you are not .....

I left with…

The Silence of the snow.

_______________________________________________________

Thank you Tammy Love for this wonderful photo.

When there is bright light
Drawing all my strength
Can I say no?

When there are large breaths of excitement
Smiles that you can not stop
Can I refuse?

I did not believe something like this could happen
And then it happens
Can I escape?

When a face full of love and a good smile
Smiling at me with great love
Can I turn my face?

When an angel from heaven came out of nowhere
Watching over Me taking care of me
Can I tell him to go back?

When I felt the war thoughts
Do I need to surrender?

When I'm not sure where I was heading
But the road is so pleasant
Should I stop going?

When the experience is so good
And so dangerous, challenging and attractive
Do I have to stop to experience?

When desire is not possible
Almost unattainable
Almost irrational
But I still want it
Do I have to stop wanting?